As I read more about Buddhism (I'm not a Buddhist or anything else in particular , but maybe I'm a lot of things), I find a lot of common sense strategies for keeping my chin up when others purposefully or not "deliver a good shot" to that chin. While I vacillated between confusion and understanding -Why would they say this? What is the purpose? What is happening in this person's life that they feel the need to say something that could hurt someone else?- I realized silence was the best response (I picked that up from Buddhism). Silence was my strength because nothing that I thought of saying was kind, valuable, necessary or would improve upon the situation.
But, let me dive back into the initial statement. Maybe this person's statement stuck with me because over the past year or so, I realized that I was okay with who I am. My physical appearance, first of all, has become significantly less important. I'm okay with the wrinkles and the quirks that Father Time subtly delivers. This wasn't always the case. Years ago, I spent nearly $200 (don't tell my husband) on anti-aging products. I smelled great, but I certainly didn't look like a younger woman and I didn't feel any better, either. Now, I see "anti-aging" and I choose not to fight that battle. Aging...there's no escape. Well, actually, I could die, right? I'm not ready for that quite yet so, I accept I aging. Challenge accepted! I'll attempt to do it with dignity, vitality and with complete awareness that I have been graced with the opportunity to see the years come and go. (Which reminds me...when I lived in Baltimore, there was a giant sign in the city that proposed that only 3 things were guaranteed in life: death, taxes and Cal Ripken. Aging was not on that list.)
What IS of primary importance to me is the serenity I have gained over the past few years. What I know is that when I allowed myself to be okay with myself - to accept what I have been and what I am and remain hopeful about what I want to become - I gave myself the gift of inner peace. I found quiet. Beyond that, a large space in my heart opened. I have space for you and you and you and you... for all of you. I have more space to give to others when that space is not filled up with doubts, concerns, worries and insecurities about myself. Until recently, I had never experienced this freedom.
In hindsight, what I realize is that I was tested and I failed. My mind was undisciplined and I allowed someone to steal what I had worked so hard to achieve. I chose to allow someone to occupy my emotions and thoughts and hey, that place is supposed to be off limits to all but myself. The only person I was angry at during this time, was me. Equanimity remains something to be mastered. These days, I don't want to be part of certain dynamics - to cling to the attachments to undesirable behaviors or negative expectations and beliefs. I don't get any joy from conquering anyone but myself.
And recently, for about two weeks - almost consistently day after day, I've heard from one friend after another say that enough is enough. Their comments have all hovered around the need to take better care of that private, inner space and the realization that their happiness has nothing to do with anyone else. Happiness come from a place much more local than a person would think. They've let go or are in the process of letting going of the noise that comes from places that don't need so much attention and dropping burdens that aren't theirs and burdens that don't need to be so heavy. With that, I've seen honest contentment and the propagation of kindness that naturally follows.
The most beautiful people I know happen to be the nicest people I know.
