Valuable Reading...and Rereading

"It is such a privilege to have people who continue each day to bless us with their love and prayer. These inner friends of the heart confer on us inestimable gifts.  In these times of greed and externality, there is such unusual beauty in having friends who practice profound faithfulness to us, praying for us each day without our ever knowing or remembering it. There are often lonesome frontiers we could never endure or cross without the inner sheltering of these friends. It is hard to live a true life that endeavors to be faithful to its own calling and not become haunted by the ghosts of negativity; therefore, it is not a luxury to have such friends; it is necessary." - John O'Donohue, To Bless the Space Between Us, A Book of Blessings

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not look for allies in life's battle-field, but to my own strength.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved, but hope for the patience to win my freedom.
Grant me that I may not be a coward, feeling your mercy in my success alone, but let me find the grasp of your hand in my failure.  - Rabindranath Tagore

I suppose I consider this next one a prayer. I used to read it everyday walking into work...

Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.
- Max Ehrmann

A prayer of Thanksgiving

Garden Meditations 
by Max Coots

Let us give thanks for a bounty of people.

For children who are our second planting, and though they
grow like weeds and the wind too soon blows them away, may
they forgive us our cultivation and fondly remember where
their roots are.

Let us give thanks;

For generous friends…with hearts…and smiles as bright
as their blossoms;

For feisty friends, as tart as apples;

For continuous friends, who, like scallions and cucumbers,
keep reminding us that we’ve had them;

For crotchety friends, sour as rhubarb and as indestructible;

For handsome friends, who are as gorgeous as eggplants and
as elegant as a row of corn, and the others, as plain as
potatoes and so good for you;

For funny friends, who are as silly as Brussels sprouts and
as amusing as Jerusalem artichokes;

And serious friends as unpretentious as cabbages, as subtle
as summer squash, as persistent as parsley, as delightful as
dill, as endless as zucchini and who, like parsnips, can be
counted on to see you through the winter;

For old friends, nodding like sunflowers in the evening-time,
and young friends coming on as fast as radishes;

For loving friends, who wind around us like tendrils and hold
us, despite our blights, wilts and witherings;

And finally, for those friends now gone, like gardens past
that have been harvested, but who fed us in their times that
we might have life thereafter.

For all these we give thanks.

Forgiveness. What the hell is it and how do I do it?

Forgiveness, unfortunately, has been on mind lately. I don't know how to graciously ask for it or receive it and, while I can give it, I'm embarrassed to say that I'm not actually that good at it.

I talk to Michael a lot about the subjects that occupy my thoughts. My writing was his fabulous idea. If he thought it would keep me from "yapping" so much, he was wrong. Truthfully, it's done the opposite - probably opened up a vault of hidden thoughts and words. Recently, I asked him to give me any information he might find related to forgiveness. Michael is an avid reader and is constantly learning. His mind does not stop and I take advantage of that. He sent me this article:

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-22322/10-reasons-to-just-choose-to-forgive.html

I don't love the subject line: It's best to leave retribution to the universe. It sounds as if you are waiting for that person who "did you wrong" to get hit by the karma bus when they least expect it. If you read more, you will find the true meaning of karma. I don't define it very well, but in my simpleton words: you create your own inner heaven or hell. You are the master of your well being. If you act like a jerk, you'll probably feel like a jerk (and if you don't, then you are a sociopath and you have bigger issues so, you should get to a psychiatrist).

I'm attempting to understand forgiveness not because I need to hand it out, but because I need to receive forgiveness. If I think for a bit, and not to strenuously, I realize I would need more than two hands to count out the people who probably feel they need an apology from me. When I dissect the situations,  I am painfully aware that most of the "dislike" actually comes from misunderstanding or miscommunication. The good intentions are abundant (I always recall that old Randy Travis song that says something like: the road to Hell is paved with good intentions), and good intentions matter to me, but they don't do too much when you are in urgent need of mercy. I have a few apologies to give, yes I do.

Sadly, the words "I'm sorry", weren't really a part of my vocabulary until adulthood. My husband taught me the value. He's a good man and knows that those two words (or three because, hey, "I'm" is a contraction) are not empty. He has never delivered those words without meaning. And when someone says I'm sorry (in the right tone and humbly - because those snotty, snarly I'm sorries that you know you've heard your children say to one another, don't really count), it matters. It matters a lot. I'm thankful for those words and for being given the opportunity to say them to someone I've hurt.  While being the giver of or the recipient of  forgiveness requires outrageous amounts of vulnerability, it is among the finest gifts we can share. 


I have trouble defining forgiveness. I have to remind myself of what it is and what it isn't. I can not turn to the Bible or any other religious readings to find its meaning. I do turn, however, to science. There are times during which I wish I had the extraordinary religious faith that many of my friends exhibit. I don't. I've tried and maybe someday I will find my answers in religion, but currently, I am a religious mutt and science holds my attention.
This article clarifies it all for me. I read it and reread it.

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/forgiveness/understanding-forgiveness

 I often feel that forgiveness should be quick and forgetful. I am always disappointed when it is not - which means, I am always disappointed in how forgiveness works. I want to be better at handing out forgiveness (I don't need to do this very often - my closest friends are great empathizers and our wires rarely cross). Family is a bit more tricky. I don't have a thorough understanding of this...yet. Honestly, it seems like an enormous undertaking - coming to some understanding of familial forgiveness and relationships (expectations, disappointment, love, hurt, pain, joy...). It almost overwhelms me.

As mentioned before, I have read some of Nadia Bolz-Weber's writings. I agree and disagree with her, but she is entertaining and so unapologetically human that I can't do anything but adore her. Two of the biggest points I've found in her writings are:

1. You have to learn to live without the apology you think you deserve.
2. You will eventually be disappointed by others. Decide how you will respond.

These are tough lessons, especially because we have all been on either end and have probably agonized over each. I don't personally know anyone that purposely  sets out to inflict pain and suffering upon anyone else (even the passive aggressive nonsense...I can have a twinge of empathy seeing that this is a form of unresolved anger). These two points are like an atomic bomb exploded in my heart.  I owe someone an apology and I don't even know it!?  And, I KNOW I have disappointed others, but not purposefully . Here, I ask for forgiveness for any distress I've caused. 

Wouldn't it be nice if it were as simple as a form letter? If only.

I _________(name), offer an apology for the following reasons: __________.

I mean it, I really do. Can we forget about it now?

Love, __________(name).

I do wish for all of us to have the ability to delicately and gracefully share our hurt when it is necessary for peace or with quiet, but courageous compassion, find a way in our own hearts to bestow mercy upon others. We all need this peace. Whether we are the almsgiver or the beneficiary, we all need the opportunity to do better, to be better.