One of my favorite things to do is to in the school clinic is teach girls about sticking together. The girls like to come in for sanitary napkins (gets them out of class and it's a grown up thing to do). 3 came in to the clinic at one time with varying nonsense and then, all 3 suddenly needed a sanitary napkin. Insta period. Anyway, one girl noticed (no details) that another might need a little more guidance on how to use a pad (I didn't notice the problem).  The incorrect use gal had just left the clinic. I told the concerned student that, when she gets back to class, she can quietly share her concern with that student. And these kids can do this...they can be nice, they can stick together. Incorrect pad use girl came back to the clinic and we figured out the whole situation. That's some girl power.  And it wasn't a show of power- it was kindness and gentleness. That's all. It was goodness initiated by a kid who probably doesn't see a lot of hope and goodness on many days.

What I'm seeing is teachers having to teach life skills in addition to the actual school teaching that they need to do. This doesn't work so well. Teachers can't be responsible for teaching kids to tie their shoes, to have generally good manners, to wipe their faces, to use a fork. That's an at home job and yet, here are the teachers, custodians, instructional assistants, front office staff....filling in the gaps. 

I get it. Parents have to work. They are tired. Something has to give and the bottom line is, to me, those are your kids. Those are YOUR kids to love and teach and if you can't do, get help. Talk to teachers, but don't talk at them, yell at them, or just be generally angry at them. They're the helpers. 

And the boys--they need to pee in the toilet not around the toilet. Can someone please tell them to start holding their penis and aiming? Please? And that's the least of the issues. I just can't handle it all in one sitting in front of the computer.

This is my SOS. Send help! If you have some time to volunteer, complete the volunteer form in your school system because we need you. This, what we have today, isn't working for everyone. And if we keep separating, spreading out and away from each other- there's no end in sight.

I'm slowly becoming that tired, washed up, cranky, old school nurse. 

Some of this has to do for my longing to take on only creative endeavors. But, then I read that as soon as you start to get paid for something, you enjoy it less. And besides, my arts and crafts is really just dabbling. I have the courage to dabble, but likely not the courage to forge some career out of it, let alone, have it be a profitable one. Could I sell dabblings? Kindhearted family friends might submit a Venmo payment. How many painted gourd birdhouses do you need in your yard?

School nurses- maybe one of the most disrespected positions on the planet? I could argue on the pro side of this, but I know I'm being overly dramatic. At least take a moment to read some of my finest moments

One day, I had to call a parent to tell them their student had lice. Not just a little bit o lice, but a lot. The voice at the other end was furious. Furious. I suppose many folks think that lice is something only dirty people get. It is not. In any case, this parent was coming to the school to have a word. This was before the days of School Resource Officers or any sort of safety to prevent staff from getting their asses kicked. My security was my baseball bat behind my desk (It makes me wonder how many teachers are packin' heat). The woman at the other end of the line made her way into the clinic along with her male partner. As she hollered at me, I showed her the lice I had saved in a piece of tape so that I could show her the proof and educate her. Didn't matter. She lunged at me. Fortunately, her seemingly muscle-less partner managed to hold her back. At this point, my hand was on my bat. I didn't end up swinging for the fences, but I did manage to boot them. The aftermath of that? Nothing. 

How about the time that I asked a dad if he needed some help in administering medications to his student in the morning? My idea being I could give the medication in school as opposed to his giving at home (and had I been grading dad, I would've given him a big fat F because he rarely gave his kid this medication....and it was OBVIOUS). Side note- the school custodian and I were friends (nurses are friends with custodians - diarrhea and vomit bond us) and he told me if I ever had a "scary parent situation", to call him on the walkie talkie, and he would help me. Sure enough- Mr. I Don't Give My Kid His Medication was yelling into the phone, "I'M COMING TO THE SCHOOL RIGHT NOW TO DEAL WITH YOU!". Guess who showed up at the clinic door? A 6 foot something inch man blocking the door and laughing a smug asshole laugh. "Custodian to the clinic, please" and my guardian angel showed up. Things de-escalated and that was the end of that. Noted. Keep that bat handy and a custodian by your side. 

I won't get into Covid. It was a nightmare and telling people they had to keep their kids out of school for 2 weeks was absolute hell. Additionally, walking around with a yardstick to measure distances between people- I might as well have worn a black cloak and carried a scythe. We did have a teacher pass away and to this day, I take the blame for not physically grabbing her and escorting her out the door during Covid days. We had conversations about her several significant health issues and I reiterated my concern, but she died alone in the hospital.

A lot of complaining at the moment- I need to get this out of my system. I will profess my love of the children. Unfortunately, I can't get a lot of them what they need- things that are needed in the home/from people in their home. I can give hugs, words of reassurance, I can even scold them when they need it. I suppose love is what I'm dealing out, but even I'm tired and I just don't think it's getting better. I've learned not to ask kids, "Are you looking forward to your holiday break?" because a lot of them are not. Or, "Did you play outside this weekend?" or "Tell me about your mom and dad?". I know better.

The other day I  had a teacher send me a student. The student told he that he wasn't feeling well (I had already seen the student before- he has some test anxiety and there was testing that week) and so his teacher told him he didn't need to go to music class. Instead, the teacher insisted that he come to the clinic so she (the teacher) could go to WalMart. My note to the teacher was placed gently in the student's hand, "Please give this to your teacher." The note said: NO.

Yesterday, a student "accidentally" tied his hands together with a shoe string. He made it as far as the clinic door and I pointed to a farway land behind this student. NO. 

My joys - where are they then? It is taking me a moment to think of them because I'm in a school nurse rut. Well, always the kids and when I can help them in a significant way (maybe small, but significant). Screenings- when I can help a kid hear or see better- that's pretty great. Connecting families to resources will get me high as a kite. 

The joys will always be there and so will my NO notes.

 Worst year of my life.

But even so,

I grow flowers

I pick them

I smell them

I run

I can feel the sun and its warmth

The boys who make me laugh are near. 

I live in a house of love 

with a man who says: 

"You are a beautiful presence, 

our future..spend your time thinking about that

 Don't delay anymore. 

Start right now. Time to move on and you will feel better when you do."

And I try not to forget this

And then I start over.

Stupid Things I Have Done & Will Probably Continue To Do.

 

Once, Michael and I were traveling to Puerto Rico. We went to the wrong airport. The correct airport was about 15 minutes from our home. The INCORRECT airport was over an hour away. 

I rarely make strong opinionated comments. Once, I was having a casual conversation with my doctor about cars. We got on the topic of Corvettes and I laughed about how a lot of retired people have Corvettes and when they attempt to get out of their Corvettes, they make a loud "HMMMPHHH" sound while pushing off of the seat because the car is so low. That's when my MD told me he had a Corvette.

One day, I said that I never have gotten poison ivy. The next day, I had it over my arms and legs and it has been that way ever since. If I look at it, I get it.

My family and I went cabin camping. We walked to a beach that had a grassy area. Of course, that's where we decided to sit. The next day, we all had chiggers. Do not get chiggers where the sun does not shine.

I met one of my husband's bosses and his wife. I said something to the wife about how I admired her artwork. The wife informed me that I was referring to the boss' ex-wife - she was the one that did the artwork. 

When I was in high school, we were practicing sliding at softball practice. I had successfully slid into bases before, but to request sliding is a little different. It's an innate, subconscious ability? When it was my turn, I ran to first and headed to second, where I was supposed to slide. I did not. I kept going and rounded to third. At third, I slid upon command. I hit the base, tumbled over it and remember seeing sky-dirt-sky-dirt-sky and hitting the third baseline fence. Fortunately, I had borrowed my sister's sweatpants. As I lay looking up at the sky- we all had a good laugh and my sister needed new sweatpants. She wasn't thrilled about the new holes, but we still laughed. No use in friends who can't laugh at and with you.

And next come the locusts

Here we are - in the midst of a pandemic. Never, ever did I think this would become a reality. As a nurse (and maybe as a mom), my brain automatically goes into, "What's the worst thing that could happen" mode. Having thought out various "predicaments" I often feel ready to act, should anything occur.
The truth is, however, I didn't expect some of the virtual loveliness I have witnessed. Let me give you a list because I want you stay positive with me:

I'm listening to a live concert on Facebook. Nate Lienard has been making feel peaceful for almost 2 hours with his calming voice
Neighbors are taking care of each other
Families are going for walks
People are picking up trash
I see people of all ages on their bikes
I've seen endless offers of help
Compliments to people who don't earn a living wage are endless
Small businesses are creative in trying to survive and people really, really want them to succeed

I just don't want people to forget, ever, the goodness that exists. Don't forget the influence and power you have in this universe and how you use it.

As a school nurse, I confess, I'm suffering through this a bit. My patients are home with their parents. I'm at home with my kids - which, in truth- there is nowhere I'd rather be. However, I feel guilt that I'm not helping like a hospital nurse might be. My goal during these days will be to find what I'm meant to do during these time. How do I create a new role for myself.

Oddly enough, while on a jog, I had downloaded a podcast that I hadn't realized would "get in my head" so much. Moreover, my husband teaches design thinking and while he's probably thought of it, why don't I apply the process to my life. Take a listen: https://www.npr.org/2017/08/28/546716951/you-2-0-how-silicon-valley-can-help-you-get-unstuck
There's a line in this somewhere that states something along the lines of: there may not be a perfect version of you, but there is probably a better version you that is achievable.

Stay hopeful.

It's now 3/24/21. I'm done. I sad. I feel lost. I don't know what time it is. What day is it? When will this end? Do I care if you wear a mask? Yea, I still care about that. I have not been hopeful over the past few months. Maybe I can start again.

Disney - I Wanted to Punch You in the Face

 

Once upon a time...
I took the kids to the movies. Which really isn't that exciting except that we didn't actually get to see the movie.
When we lived in Austin, TX, I was at the mall with my kids. (I'm not sure if malls are still a "thing". Malls are buildings with lots of stores in them. It is like Amazon.com in building form.) We were at the mall and I had a good, lucky feeling I was going to enter a drawing that was advertised and win. The drawing was for tickets to see the movie Ratatouille. My good, lucky feeling rarely fails me. Back in college, I would occasionally listen to the radio and the DJ would say, "Call  now to win a pizza!" The three different times I heard this, I called, and I won pizza. Friends would sometimes hear the DJ tell us to call and my friends would say, "Call, Ivonne!" But, no! If I didn't feel the lucky pizza vibe, I would not call.

What I'm trying to say is that I won movie tickets! I received the tickets with instructions to be at the movie theater across town on a specific day to get a special pre-release date viewing of Ratatouille...a Disney tale of a rat chef. Surely the kids would love the movie and mom would be the hero of the day. Maybe we would even get a $15 bag of popcorn drenched in hydrogentated oil. My boys and I along with two of their friends were giddy with excitement driving to the theater. It was a hot, humid Texas day but, never mind, we were winners.We got out of our fairly new minivan (which now proudly has approximately 244,000 miles on it and the side left door sometimes opens and sometimes doesn't) and skipped to the theater.

There sat the gate-keeper. The gate-keeper was a sweaty teenager who was not terribly happy to be caged in the glass box but, I would say, they should thank their lucky stars there was a barrier.

Me: "Here are the golden tickets we won to see the fabulous new Disney movie about the rat chef."
Teenager: "No. You can't go in."
Me: "HI. Um. Here are our tickets."
Teenager: "I said you can't go in."
Me (gettin' hot): "What do you mean we can't go in? We won tickets. Here are my tickets."
Teen: "The theater is full. There's no room."
Me: "I won tickets. How do I win tickets and then get turned away. I'm the lucky winner!"
Teen: "Haha, everyone in that theater won tickets."
Me: "You mean to tell me that I got scammed by Disney, the happiest place on Earth? I'm not really a winner?"
Smirking Teen: "Looks that way."

And sadly, shoulders slumped, tears in their eyes, I walk the walk of parental shame with five wailing children in tow. Have you tried explaining this to a child?  The most magical place on Earth, and perhaps the universe, has absolutely made you miserable and I fell for their evil trick. I've failed as a parent. Disney, you are the grim reaper of childhood dreams and you will rue the day you toyed with me!

Tears in their eyes, the children rode home in the minivan. I had to adjust the rear-view mirror to avoid seeing their red, swollen tearful eyes and snotty noses. During that ride, however, a plan would hatch. I would let Disney know exactly what I thought.

I sat a my computer and composed...composed the most venomous email I could. After typing out the details of our misadventures, I believe that I typed something like this, "I would rather take my family to Hell than to your Magic Kingdom. Good day, Sir!" Yes, this was good some of the best writing I've ever had. Full of emotion, full of revenge, full evil Disney queen laughter. But who would be the recipient of my fine literature? Ah, that's easy. I went straight to Google and straight to the top. Searching: "Who is the CEO of Disney?" Why do they even list this information? Don't they know that angry mother bears aren't gonna to play? We go big.You list the CEO? Well, that's your own fault that the CEO gets emails from small town moms who are ready to break out the verbal fisticuffs. Ding. Ding. Round one is all I need to KO Bob Iger.

Now really, his email was not listed so, I had to get creative. Just start typing the possibilities and eventually, one will hit:
Bob.Iger@Disney.com
BobIger@Disney.org
BIger@Disney.com

You get the idea. I also managed to discover the name of an administrative assistant that works with him. They got emailed as well and Jiminy Crickets, something DID hit!

A few days later, we received a large box from Disney. I'm afraid to open the box. What if opening it detonates the explosive held inside? What if that email was a HUGE mistake? What if Disney is sending me one way tickets to Hell? Is it possible for Disney to hate me? My God, what have I done? I hug my kids, "It was good knowin ya," and we hold our breaths and open.

@$#@#%$^you Disney! Why are you so nice? A kind letter from my pal Bob's Administrative Assistant was the first thing we found. An apologetic and kind letter: We're sorry, accept these, please forgive us. Grrrrr, I want to hate you. We dig deeper and  I may have seen fairy dart out of the box and I think I heard "Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo" somewhere in the air. Yes, my friends, magic was in that box. MAGIC. A whole box of Ratatouille goodies: coloring books, the CD, books, shirts, and magic! Disney, I forgive you and thanks for the loot.

The Apocalypse But, Not Really. Maybe It Was Just The Beginning

A year later, I find myself thinking back to last November 8. Between the election and our house fire, I can say that Nov. 8, 2016 was a bad day. It wasn't the worst day we'll have in this home. We've been fortunate. One day, we'll meet our match and that will be much more difficult

While rattled by the events, nothing but good has come out of that day (except for the presidential stuff). I have a new job that I love, I'm able to engage more in my life, my family, and I'm happier as I've taken more control about how I feel and think. I suppose I learn things the hard way. The only thing left is for me to get back in to exercising. I've taken a "sabbatical" and I realize that physical health (while I've gone rather overboard in the past) has to be incorporated. It's hard to find balance but, I'm okay with that.

I have a job that I look forward to every day. While I may be tired, I look forward to seeing almost 800 of my new kids as a school nurse. I value them, I treat them as I would treat my own kids. I have a lot to learn but, I've got the caring thing covered. My coworkers work tirelessly, are engaging, and dedicated - aside from being welcoming and flexible with me.

The boys are growing and I'm thankful that they hug me, joke with me, and can have solid conversations with me. Michael is my champion and I am his - reliable as always and I hope that I have relieved some of his load with the recent adjustments in my life. There's still work to be done, right?



I have nothing much to say other than this November, I am more thankful than I have ever been - and maybe all thanks to that spark that lit up our house last year.

Before the fire, my eldest son woke up one day and said that he had some strange little bug bites on his body. Small, round, red...a bit itchy but, no really big deal. Then woof! The house caught on fire. We were out of our house for a bit of time, trying to enjoy life at the Greensprings Resorts. There's nothing that feels resort-y when you've left your house due to a fire. Nothing. The day we moved back in to the house and felt as though we might begin to have some peace, we discovered bed bugs in my son's bed. It was 5pm on a Friday. Bed bugs survived the damn fire. Are you kidding me? No. I'm not. They would survive atomic bombs, zombies, the apocalypse. I asked friends for exterminators and found one. I called him. Haven Exterminators. How appropriate, "haven", a place of refuge. I cried and cried as I spoke to my new best friend. "We have bbbbbbbed bugs. We we we we just moved back in after a fffffffire buh buh buh buh!" He was so compassionate and offered to come that evening. I didn't actually want to ruin his weekend so we agreed to see him on Monday but, I did want to cry and cry and have some one hug me and say, "There, there...all will be well." He did that over the phone. In any case, he took great care of us.

The lesson here? I have no idea except that if you think smoke and fire will kill bed bugs, you're wrong.

I'm laughing today as I sit here alone and ready to go to work. I hope you smile. I wish nothing but acceptance, warm hugs, an open heart and mind, free Starbucks beverages for you and your friend between 2 and 5 pm, and love.